


In Regards to Bigfoot

by hips_of_steel



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Inspired By Tumblr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-12
Updated: 2017-10-12
Packaged: 2019-01-16 12:50:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12343029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hips_of_steel/pseuds/hips_of_steel
Summary: Martha is pissed off at Sam, and she's going to make sure the Texan's best friend, Beverly, is aware of exactly what he's done.





	In Regards to Bigfoot

**Author's Note:**

  * For [crikadelic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/crikadelic/gifts).



> Martha (APH Washington) and Beverly (APH Oregon) are entirely my creations. Sam (APH Texas) belongs to crikadelic.
> 
> This fic inspired by the post linked to below.  
> http://hipsofsteel.tumblr.com/post/166328796781/kittyperson-peppermintmonster-in-washington

Beverly wasn't used to getting unexpected guests, so she had assumed there was a salesman at her door or someone with religious pamphlets, so she was studiously pretending she wasn't home.

That is, until she heard Martha's voice coming through the door.

"Beverly! I will call you Beaverly for a month if you don't answer the door! Anubis isn't barking, so I know you're here!"

Beverly turned towards the all black border collie, calmly laying next to her on the couch. "Who knew your silence could betray me?" She turned towards the door. "I’m coming, Martha!"

Anubis followed her off the sofa, and to the door. Beverly quickly unlocked it, and her dripping wet sister came in.

"What's brought you out of Washington like the hounds of hell are after you?" She said, flinging a towel in her sister's direction. "You know the drill. Boots off, warm up by the wood stove."

Martha pushed her boots off and curled up by the wood stove, Anubis settling down next to her. Beverly, meanwhile, opened up the cage in the back corner, and the two sugar gliders inside curiously looked at her, and then leapt onto her outstretched hands. She tucked them inside her pocket and smiled.

"I'll never get used to you having those." Martha said, shaking her head.

"Oh, hush up. I don't have Florida's entire reptile room of pets to deal with. Just Anubis, Nadia and Tamar, and stray cats wherever I go." Beverly snorted, heading into the kitchen. "Coffee?"

"Yes please. AND WASH YOUR HANDS!"

"I DO!" Beverly shouted back, and then looked down at the pocket, where two pairs of eyes looked back at her. "It's almost like I'm not the older sister, huh gals?"

The sugar gliders didn't respond, and she sighed, washing her hands and grinded the coffee beans of her sister's favorite blend. Meanwhile, she debated. 

"Tea or cocoa, lasses?" She asked her pocket, wiggling slightly as the sugar gliders rearranged themselves.

"Tea then." She said, grabbing her favorite chai blend, and soon she returned to the living room with two hot drinks. 

Martha shook her head as she saw Beverly with tea. "Tea's just leaf water."

"Shut up and enjoy your bean juice." Beverly responded. "Besides, I can't stand to drink that shit black unless you've got me up real early in the morning."

Martha laughed, remembering how Beverly had required black coffee every morning during the world wars, as she'd been responsible for making firewood for most of the other female states, who wouldn't know the first thing to do with an ax. "Alright, you've got me there."

They grinned at each other for a moment, and then Beverly leaned back. "Alright, as much as I enjoy the company, why are you here?"

Martha paused, and then spoke. "It's about Sam."

Beverly froze, and then groaned. "For the love of God, did someone ask if we were dating again? Please tell me they're not someone who Sam would force me to be his beard in front of..."

Martha shook her head. "No, no, no, not at all!"

Beverly instantly relaxed. "Thank the gods."

"It's actually about Bigfoot."

Beverly stopped, blinking in confusion. "Wait, what?"

Martha pulled out some papers, and brought them over to the table in front of the couch. "I was doing some digging and found this in Sam's laws. And I know he and you go cryptid hunting together..."

Beverly read through the highlighted sections on the page, and then suddenly she started laughing, causing Anubis to look up with concern. Martha frowned.

"This isn't funny!"

"No, but this is SAM! This is so Sam!" She shook her head. "Oh, Tejas..." Tears of laughter were starting to gather, and she wiped them away.

"Do you guys take guns when you try to track him down?"

"Nothing big enough to take down Bigfoot!" Beverly shook her head. "I just detest porcupines and sometimes we find them! And Sam's a lot better of a shot than I am."

"But when you're in Texas-"

"We take bigger guns in his home state, but that's more because of the idiots who live there! You know how he is!" Beverly shook her head with a laugh. "Besides, he doesn't want to kill Bigfoot unless Bigfoot tries to kill him. He prefers the method allowed here in Oregon. A huge ass live animal trap."

Martha sighed. "I still don't understand why ODFW allows you to do that."

"Hey, who am I to judge them?" Beverly winked. "Besides, Sam doesn't see him as often as we do."

As if to prove a point, Anubis suddenly rose up, raising the ruff around his neck and growling as he did.

Beverly glanced at the large window at the side of her house her dog was growling at, and walked over to look out, Martha joining her.

There were massive footprints in the soaking earth outside, and Beverly rushed to the door. She shouted out a greeting in a native language, and Martha heard an unintelligible noise in response. Beverly laughed, and then ducked back inside, face wet, and a grin on her face.

"Speak of the devil..."

Martha rolled her eyes, but Beverly just grinned.

"Don't worry, sis. Sam's never gonna hurt a Bigfoot here or in your state. If he does, I'll use the old hit him with the shovel method."

"And in his own state?" Martha asked.

"In his own state? Martha, it's Texas. Sam's gonna do whatever the fuck Sam wants, and we can't stop him."

Martha shook her head, and Beverly laughed. "I'll talk to him."

***

"I get the opinion Washington is mad at me." Sam said as they had finished the state meeting. 

Beverly glanced at where Martha was, and found her staring daggers directly at Sam. "Oh, what would ever give you that impression?" Beverly teased.

"Bevo..." Sam muttered, and Bev shook her head.

"Something she found out recently has gotten her in a real twist. I'll explain later."

A few minutes later, having collected their dogs, Sam and Beverly had wandered into the backwoods of the property.

Cody and Anubis ranged, and Sam laughed when Anubis brought back an eight feet long stick, not understanding why his mom wasn't that enthused about throwing it.

"Can you ever bring me a normal stick, or do you just have to find the longest one you can carry and bring me that one?" Bev asked, attempting to finally take it and discovering with a quick yank that he really wanted to play tug of war. "ANUBIS!"

Sam chuckled as he grabbed her by the back of the shirt to keep her from toppling forward. "You've lost muscle. A few years ago, he never would have been able to move you."

"He caught me off guard, you fucker." She said, shoving the Texan, who grinned. "Besides, who kept the family warm while all you lot were off fighting wars?"

Sam shook his head. "And you did real good at it, Miss Lumberjane."

"It's Miss Lumberjill, mister!" She said, pressing a finger to his chest. Sam just shook his head with a laugh.

They walked further for a while, finally finding some shorter sticks to throw for their dogs, Cody and Anubis frequently trying to steal the other's stick.

"So..." Sam finally asked. "What's got Martha in such a twist?"

Beverly shook her head. "Cryptid hunting."

Sam raised an eyebrow. "Cryptid hunting..."

"You've got a state law allowing you to shoot Bigfoot. She was concerned."

Sam stopped, and then groaned. "I LIVE IN TEXAS! I AM TEXAS!"

"I know!" Bev said with a laugh. "That's what I told her!"

"She does realize I have, like, no influence over that law, correct? Besides... it's Texas..."

"It's Texas." Bev agreed once more. "Nah, she's mainly worried that you'll kill him up in our places."

"Where it's illegal."

"Where it's illegal." Bev agreed. "I mean, she's also worried about you shooting one at home, but we have no control over that."

Sam shook his head. "I won't kill it unless it tries to kill me."

"Good." Bev said. "Because if you killed it for fun, I'd have to bash your head in with a shovel."

"Like you did with the porcupine that one time?" Sam asked, remembering Bev's sheer annoyance and later pain at the quills she'd gotten stuck in herself.

"Listen, the Forestry Department had an order at the time to kill on sight, and you had the one pistol between the two of us!" She griped, shoving him.

"You were not a happy camper."

"Quite literally!" She groaned. "I'm still pissed the damn thing's quills got through my heavy duty jeans."

Sam shook his head, and then suddenly Cody and Anubis, apparently having found a stream, came running back towards their humans at full tilt, absolutely soaking wet.

The overlapping shouts of "ANUBIS, DOWN!" and "CODY, NO!" were heard by the other states in the distance, who were not surprised to see Bev and Sam return a few minutes later, muddy paw prints covering them and wet dogs looking very unhappy to be back on their leashes lest they find something else, possibly worse than water, to play in.


End file.
